help me obi-wan, it's all spinning out of control!

My television is trying to eat me, I swear it is. It used to sit quietly in my living room, turning on to let me watch the food network or history channel or that one new show per season that sucked me in: Buffy, or SFU, or Veronica Mars, or BSG. But the world has shifted off its axis this year, and now there's a giant sucking vortex coming from my television that's pulling me in, farther and farther. I have a list! A gorram schedule of shows that I watch almost every freaking day of the week! I can tivo them, but then they just pile up on the hard drive and start to make me anxious. I can't go out larking about, I have shows to watch! I can't take a bath, I have to catch up on The Office!

It gets worse. All my life I've been content with hand-me-down second-hand televisions. Recently, I've actually started pricing new televisions! People, I need help! I don't need to spend my cash on electronics, I need to spend it on important things, like shoes and CDs!

Seriously!

I have considered cutting shows out of my schedule. Gilmore Girls is a goner and Studio 60 is on the bubble. But I've just been sucked into The Office (looks sideways at virginmartyr1 and mentally curses Rainn Wilson), so really folks I'm not making any headway on that front. But then I get to the current list:

• Veronica Mars: okay, this season hasn't been as good, but the Keith-Veronica father-daughter interactions are my woobie. It stays.

• Heroes: I want to have its babies! It stays.

• BSG: I am invested, people. There are unknown Cylons in the fleet and I must know who they are! Also, Mary McDonnell is ubersexy esp. with EJO. It stays.

• Grey's Anatomy: I can be all, Shut up, Meredith. Die, McDreamy. And then Addison comes on and lusts after Alex, and I feel the love. Or Cally comes by to commiserate with Addison, and I feel the love. Or Bailey brings the awesome and the passion and the commitment to medicine and I feel the love like whoa. And to top it off, Sandra Oh gets that one good scene every other episode or so, and shows us she can act circles around most of the leads without even saying a word, and I just feel so damn lucky that I get to see her work on a regular basis. *sigh* God help me, it stays.

• Ugly Betty: IT IS THE GAYEST SHOW ON TV OMG! My inner gay man (say hello, Marcus) absolutely adores the Mode office decor, Wilhelmina's imperious demeanor, and Amanda and Marc's catty scheming. Plus also OMG the Major Plot Development of the Last Two Weeks! Yes, Betty and her familia are all sweet and wholesome and whateverthehell, and if it were just them I could leave this show. But OMG PEOPLE THE GAY! BRING ME THE GAY AND NO ONE GETS HURT!

Ahem. It stays.

So. You see my conundrum. I need help! Advice! An intervention and a stint in rehab with Isaiah Washington! Something please oh please help me something! *sobs*


OK yeah, science now. TV later.