quesarah | Fond Christmas memories

We just posted this as a response to

distraction77's lj, and we were laughing so hard I decided to post it here in mine. Merry Christmas, everyone. God bless us every one.

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I had a frightening experience with

wafflelips' family one Christmas Eve. We went to her aunt and uncle's house for their annual giant family holiday extravaganza (complete with birthday cake for her cousin, who's unlucky enough to have been born on December 25th).

First of all, many of her family members are alcoholics. Or drug addicts. Or married to them. One of her cousins (who was married to an alcoholic/drug addict at the time) brought his various kids from various marriages to the shindig. Then there was drama. The wife (at that time) was a complete psycho to her mother-in-law (wafflelips' aunt). There was shouting. There was a birthday cake. There was wild gesticulation with knives. The birthday cousin was heard to shout, "Mother, put the knife down!" Drug addict/alcoholic wife was heard to screech "Did you see that? She pointed the knife at me! All I asked for was a piece of cake for my daughter, and she pointed the knife at me!"

Meanwhile, wafflelips' mom was standing in front of me with a plate of some dessert insisting "Do you want some cake? Are you sure you don't want some cake? Here Sarah, have some cake." I went outside to the garage with birthday cousin and smoked many many cigarettes. Waffelips suggested we go get a drink. So we did.

We haven't celebrated Christmas Eve at their place since. My family may be a bunch of redneck yahoos, but we don't pull knives on each other. Freaky Scottish Catholics. and they think wafflelips is the weird one in the family. sheesh.

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And they wonder why we a) live in southern California and b) don't go back to Ohio for the holidays. Some people are just clueless, yo.