Research Proposal

[quesarah]

To: Nightxadia First National Bank and Trust

Re: Application for Research Funds

The following is a research proposal for the development of Giant Mutant Ninja Attack Rabbits. Lepus americanus will be engineered to maximize their size and aggressiveness. Early results have generated rabbits that are 10% +/- 0.5% larger than average. Resultant kits also have great giant sharp teeth like so. We believe that with additional research funds we can take the lab out for an evening of drinking tequila, after which we should have at least three decent ideas and fifteen preposterous ones for increasing rabbit size. With enough money, tequila, and frantic evenings in the lab, we will develop rabbits that are eight feet tall and perpetually cranky. These rabbits will then be trained by the military-industrial complex in kung fu, karate, jiu-jitsu, hap ki do, and any other martial arts with a nifty-sounding name. The resultant brigade of Giant Mutant Attack Rabbits will be critical in the maintenance of domestic security. They will also strike awe and fear in any former vengeance demons, thereby assuring their docility.

The PI, biogeekgrrl has been trained thoroughly in the handling of test animals. She has a degree in Evil Scheming and graduated with honors in Creating Reckless Abuses of Nature. She has an extensive CV, having published regularly in the Annual Review of Mad Science. In short, she is a genius, GENIUS to whom you should hand over all your money, you small-minded fools! Ants! You are like ants compared to my intellect! Mwa ha haa haaaaaaaaaaa!

Budget

1. 1 (one) Research Assistant: salary, scrubs, training in bad accents, cackling menacingly

2. 1 (one) Public Relations associate: salary, web hosting fees, timbits, tea, maple

3. 2 (two) lagomorph administrative aides: yogurt chips, hay

4. Reseach costs: $7 gazillion USD

Comments

[spacey-lee.livejournal.com]

PRESS RELEASE
"BIFENESE Defends Itself Against Wrongful Accusations"
December 15, 2003
===================

Earlier this month BIFENESE was accused of engineering mutant rabbits for evil purposes by GSH. The Chief Scientific Officer of BIFENESE responded to the false claims immediately, revealing BIFENESE's current research developments: helping the children of the world. It is well known that, in recent years, there has been a shortage of Easter bunnies. BIFENESE has been working on developing Giant Easter Bunnies "to bring chocolate and goodies and ancient fertility symbols to all the children of the world." It is beyond comprehension how any company could come under attack when they have proven to be caring and devoted to making this world a better place. spacey_lee, PR Associate for BIFENESE, issued the following statement this morning: "BIFENESE adheres to strict ethical guidelines and would never even consider working on anything that doesn't bring joy to the children of the world. If you believe that the children are the future and you want to show them all the beauty they possess inside then open up your wallets--let the children's laughter remind you of how you want to give. BIFENESE accepts all donations. Please give."

[biogeekgrrl.livejournal.com]