Research Proposal

[quesarah]

To: Nightxadia First National Bank and Trust

Re: Application for Research Funds

The following is a research proposal for the development of Giant Mutant Ninja Attack Rabbits. Lepus americanus will be engineered to maximize their size and aggressiveness. Early results have generated rabbits that are 10% +/- 0.5% larger than average. Resultant kits also have great giant sharp teeth like so. We believe that with additional research funds we can take the lab out for an evening of drinking tequila, after which we should have at least three decent ideas and fifteen preposterous ones for increasing rabbit size. With enough money, tequila, and frantic evenings in the lab, we will develop rabbits that are eight feet tall and perpetually cranky. These rabbits will then be trained by the military-industrial complex in kung fu, karate, jiu-jitsu, hap ki do, and any other martial arts with a nifty-sounding name. The resultant brigade of Giant Mutant Attack Rabbits will be critical in the maintenance of domestic security. They will also strike awe and fear in any former vengeance demons, thereby assuring their docility.

The PI, biogeekgrrl has been trained thoroughly in the handling of test animals. She has a degree in Evil Scheming and graduated with honors in Creating Reckless Abuses of Nature. She has an extensive CV, having published regularly in the Annual Review of Mad Science. In short, she is a genius, GENIUS to whom you should hand over all your money, you small-minded fools! Ants! You are like ants compared to my intellect! Mwa ha haa haaaaaaaaaaa!

Budget

1. 1 (one) Research Assistant: salary, scrubs, training in bad accents, cackling menacingly

2. 1 (one) Public Relations associate: salary, web hosting fees, timbits, tea, maple

3. 2 (two) lagomorph administrative aides: yogurt chips, hay

4. Reseach costs: $7 gazillion USD

Comments

[biogeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

From: The BioGeek Institute For Entirely NotEvil Scientific Endeavors.
To: The Global Simon Hegemony Information Minister.
CF: The Nation Of Nightxadia.
RE: Giant fuzzy bunnies.

For shame. How can the GSH claim to be an upstanding member of the global community and turn its back on the poor suffering children of the world? You state that you are against the bunnies, therefore you do not like children. If you do not like children, then you are a shifty ill-tempered misanthrope. We on the other hand do many fine upstanding things for the children of the world. Here, look at this picture of Sally Struthers with a child from a Third World country. See that little white thing in the corner? That's one of our bunnies. You can only imagine the happiness brought to the poor child's life by that bunny.

As for our American spelling, we did not drop the vowels from the end of words. The letter "u" is merely taking an extended leave of absence to study at an ashram in Northern California. We resent the implication of your statement, as we prefer not to overwork our alphabet out of a strange compulsion for vowel redundancy.

You claim to be wool-free, but the BIFENESE has gathered substantial data about the Scottish people's love for sheep. We do not believe you are wool-free at all. Hans Blix has been contracted to perform wool inspections in the GSH and will render his report to BIFENESE, Nightxadia, and the People's Republic of Deus ex Machina (formerly Cuba) post haste and forthwith.

Yrs sincerely,

CSO, BIFENESE

[gonzo21.livejournal.com]

To: CSO, BIFENESE.
From: The Gonzo Interior Minister.


Dear madam,

It has been brought to my attention by my colleague the Intelligence Minister that you are in possession of some startling facts about the Scottish peoples love for sheep.

Allow me to set you straight on this.

At first glance, what are referred to as the 'Celtic' Peoples can be difficult to tell apart. The unkempt and ragged appearance is common to both the Scots, Welsh and Irish. However, following this simple guide, you need never be confused again.

The Irish have the excellent sense of humour, and are always great craick to be around.

The Scots by contrast are somewhat dour, possesing a strong line in gallows humour, but they do have the sexy accents to make up for it.

The Welsh entirely lack the Irish sense of fun, and the Scots sexiness, and are in fact a truly miserable race. They can however always be recognised by their intense and profound love of 4-legged herbivores.

There are however strong 'Welsh Tendencies' in Aberdeenshire. But the rules of reality are strongly warped in and around Aberdeenshire, so that region should be considered entirely seperate to the Scottish nation.

I trust this clears things up.

Yrs,
The Gonzo Interior Minister.

[biogeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

To: The Gonzo Interior Minister.
From: CSO, BIFENESE
RE: Celtic Taxonomy

Dear Sir

Thank you for providing us with a handy reference guide to Celtic peoples. We are adding this information to our database as we speak. In short:

Irish- humor (related to whiskey consumption? more research required)

Scots - sexy accent (must check whether sexy factor applies in circumstances where accent makes speech unintelligible)

Welsh - miserable. Duly noted.

Your help is greatly appreciated. We dearly love to put people in boxes. evil snicker

Yrs sincerely,
CSO, BIFENESE